Like all nice love tales, this one begins with two strangers who don’t notice their lives are about to turn out to be intimately intertwined. Not like most nice love tales, this one begins with a speculum.
He was my OB/GYN, and god assist me, he was engaging. I didn’t discover this element the primary time we met, as I used to be in stirrups whereas he carried out a painful gynecological process on me, however I do bear in mind considering, on the time, that he was variety. So variety that, when I discovered myself pregnant a yr later, I assumed, That is the physician I wish to handle me.
To my delight, he accepted me as a affected person. “Congratulations, you two,” he mentioned to me and my husband as he walked into the examination room throughout our first appointment, wanting remarkably tall, darkish and good-looking. Then he flashed his shy grin, checked out me with huge, brown eyes framed with thin-wire glasses, and shook my hand along with his heat, gentle grip. I discovered myself questioning what it could be prefer to have his child.
Oh shit, I assumed to myself. That is going to get awkward.
It’s not fully unusual to be interested in your OB/GYN, if varied confessional blogs on the subject are any indication. And it’s in all probability fairly innocent, if not fully hormone pushed. I don’t child myself that he took any particular discover of me, the bloated pregnant woman choking on her morning illness bile. I don’t truly assume our banter about how I wanted to chop down my espresso consumption was flirtatious (wanting again on it now, he was fairly stern). And I don’t assume his cautious and detailed concern with my psychological and bodily state meant he liked me again (shoot, did I say “love”?). However rattling if my being pregnant hormones didn’t discover the considered all of it a bit thrilling.
Did he discover that I began sporting lip gloss to my appointments? It’s uncertain. Did he discover me blushing when he would provide his arm to assist me roll off the examination desk like a beached whale? Probably. Did he discover once I joked that he was the one physician I trusted with my cervix? In all probability, and I’m nonetheless undecided how he took it.
He positively observed that point I abruptly instructed him I knew the place he lived. I imply, clearly I didn’t say it fairly like that, however I’m positive “I might discover you” is all he actually took from my clumsy makes an attempt at dialog.
Right here’s what occurred: Within the identify of due diligence, I requested a pal (who occurred to even be an OB/GYN) if he knew my physician.
“Sure,” he mentioned, “he’s my neighbour.”
What have been the possibilities? However I’m undecided my OB discovered the coincidence as humorous as I did once I then instructed him all about it.
At occasions, my ever-growing crush was downright excruciating. My 20-week ultrasound revealed placenta previa, as an example, and Sizzling OB (as I’d begun to name him, in my thoughts) grimly knowledgeable me this meant I wanted to abstain from train and intercourse.
“That’s OK. I don’t do these issues, anyway,” I mentioned, guffawing whereas sitting in entrance of him visibly pregnant from sexual activity. Then I went house and realized I hadn’t requested any questions on what, precisely, he meant by “intercourse.” (Clearly, I used to be not as involved about train.)
A month of raging second-trimester hormones later, I gathered my braveness to ask for extra data at my subsequent appointment. My husband couldn’t come to this one, in all probability as a result of the universe was punishing me for previous misdeeds.
After reviewing my most up-to-date ultrasound, Sizzling OB requested if I had any questions.
“There’s one factor,” I muttered, twisting my marriage ceremony band round my swollen finger. “You talked about no intercourse. However is something, , allowed?”
He nodded professionally, adjusted his glasses and proceeded to dutifully reply my query in horrifying element as I silently begged to sink into the centre of the earth. Clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm is simply tremendous, he instructed me as I nodded and tried to look informal, however all vaginal penetration have to be averted. To be protected, he added, I must also keep away from anal penetration.
I believe, pricey reader, that’s the second I truly died.
“Now, lets take heed to the infant’s heartbeat?” he requested me. He commented that my very own coronary heart charge was good and quick, too. After all it was! My coronary heart was aflutter and my palms have been sweating. I couldn’t waddle out of there quick sufficient.
Later, my husband requested how my appointment went, and I muttered one thing about “anal,” then bought so light-headed I needed to drink some juice and put my head between my knees.
There was no reprieve from the indignities within the third trimester, as I now had weekly appointments as a result of my child’s positioning and large head.
“How are your hemorrhoids?” Sizzling OB would ask me after my chart.
“What hemorrhoids?” I’d reply with a smile, my butthole, in the meantime, impersonating a bushel of grapes.
As my due date approached, my placenta and my child miraculously righted themselves, and I began to have fantasies of going into fast-and-furious labour proper there in Sizzling OB’s workplace so he might save my life, thus bonding us perpetually.
As an alternative, I endured three weeks of gradual dilation and prodromal labour at house. By the point I used to be lastly admitted to the hospital for actual, and given an epidural, I used to be so relieved to be freed from ache that I used to be virtually giddy. So, I blissfully turned to my nurse and requested her a very affordable and not-at-all inappropriate query for somebody mendacity there in a skinny hospital robe with a five-centimetre-dilated cervix:
“Have you learnt if my OB is married?”
I nonetheless lie awake at evening questioning if she ever instructed him.
Mercifully—regardless of my fantasies—a distinct on-call OB/GYN ended up delivering my child later that evening, so Sizzling OB didn’t get to see me poop myself. And I’m undecided if it was the push of affection for my youngster or my husband’s joyful chuckle because the nurse positioned our squawking son on my chest, however my persistent crush ended proper then and there.
My awkwardness, nevertheless, had a humiliating denouement.
When my child was three days previous, we had a paediatrician appointment in the identical constructing as Sizzling OB’s clinic. Since he hadn’t been there for my labour, I made a decision to pop in to introduce him to the infant and thank him for taking such excellent care of us throughout my being pregnant. It appeared the type factor to do.
“That is Benjamin,” I mentioned, beaming, as Sizzling OB dutifully peered in on the bundle in my arms.
“Benjamin?” his secretary blurted out. “Why, that’s your physician’s center identify!”
That was the final time he noticed me, his hormonal, unintentional stalker (I swear!). The pandemic got here alongside and did us each a favour by forcing my six-week follow-up to be a cellphone appointment, and we haven’t spoken since.
However I assume I nonetheless talked about him fondly, as a result of just a few months later, a pal despatched me a hyperlink to a weblog submit she’d occurred upon. It was about how the author had been in love along with her OB/GYN throughout her being pregnant.
“Is that this your Sizzling OB?” my pal requested me, half-joking.
However the joke was on me, as a result of it was positively him.
If there was any doubt left from the author’s description of her want, and his hanging kindness and beauty, she additionally named him: Yup, similar man. And that’s how I discovered he wasn’t simply my Sizzling OB. He’s bought a perpetual fan membership of pregnant girls lusting after him. It’s additionally how I discovered that he isn’t married, however he does date nurses. (The blogger did her due diligence, too!)
So, simply as I knew all alongside, my love story isn’t particular, and even actually a love story. However at the least I can take solace figuring out that I wasn’t his solely inappropriately obsessed affected person. From the sounds of it, he’s had just a few.