Dear Abby I am close to 30. I am not married. I’m a working mom. I love my nieces, nephews to death. Being an aunt is one the most wonderful things about my life. My issue is: I don’t want to have kids.
I have been dating again since a few months ago. I feel like every man I go on a date to thinks that he can change me about having children. There are personal reasons I don’t want to have children.
Yes, I would love to meet a man with children. I’d be a great mom.
Why is it that I’m called ugly names for not having children? Everyone says I’ll change my mind once I meet the right guy, but this isn’t a negotiable issue. I am open to considering other options if we decide to adopt. Children need homes more than I need one to pass my genes on. Please help me find what is missing.
— Unwavering in Idaho
Dear Unwavering: Every woman doesn’t want to have children. This is a fact. For someone to call you “dirty names” because of how you feel is judgmental and presumptuous. Motherhood should be — and is — a personal choice, and birth control allows us the freedom to exercise that choice as we see fit.
It’s possible you may be dating in the wrong age group. If you concentrate on older men who most likely already have children, I’m betting you will receive less flak and have a better outcome. You can also use dating apps to find a partner who wants to have children or who is already a parent. These apps are worth checking out.
Dear Abby It may sound strange, but I’m curious if I should write my daughter and my son a letter after my death to tell them how proud I am to be their mother. This is an acceptable thing to do.
— Grateful Mom in the Midwest
Dear Mom, This is fine. A better way to share that message with your child and son is to make sure they are aware of it as often as possible while you’re still living.
