Drew Barrymore has corrected the record after a comment she made on her talk show, which gave the impression that she “hates” sex.
Barrymore, 47, spoke out last month about Andrew Garfield’s claim he quit sex six months before he was able to play a Jesuit priest in the film. Silence. In response, the actress — a single mother who has been candid about dating dilemmas on the show — quipped, “What’s wrong with me that six months doesn’t seem like a very long time? I was like, ‘Yeah so?’”
Barrymore was wrong to make that offhand comment about celibacy. She discovered this when she was approached by a woman following a workout. “You look just like Drew Barrymore except for you look like you have mental wellness and besides … she hates sex!” the woman told her.
Barrymore finally connected the dots between the woman’s comment last month and her comments on the show. She felt moved to clarify her view of intimacy, starting with her childhood as a child star, to her current position as a single mom, who has two daughters with Will Kopelman.
“At almost 48, my feelings about intimacy are very different than what I had growing up,” said the E.T. Extra-Terrestrial Star shared in a blog post entitled “Rebels Who Love” on Sunday. “I didn’t have role models parents, and I was able to engage with adults since my tender years. I was looking to find companionship! validation! excitement! pleasure! hedonism! fun! It’s also an adventure! Now, because I can’t get in the time machine and change my history … [I] Choose to view it through the positive lens that is that I lived it! I had an extremely rich, full life.
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“However, having two children and a separation with their father that made me cautious, I have had to shift my focus when it came to loving myself and my daughters. Barrymore, who separated from Kopelman in 2016, said that she knows that this does not include a male and hasn’t for a while. She also added insight from her therapist, which has helped her differentiate sex from love. “I’ve come to realize through working in therapy (with Barry), he said something and I had to write it down. He stated, “Sex is not love!” It is the expression and celebration of love. “I searched all my life for words that would help me understand the difference. Thanks to him, I now do.”
The Never Have You Been Kissed The actress explained how being a mom to Olive, 10, and Frankie, 8, has changed her approach to relationships with herself and others. Barrymore stated that she has not been able “to have an intimate relationship since I entered life as a single mother.”
“I have had the honor and a pleasure to actually work on myself and learn what parenting is, again something I was not exactly clear on growing up and I’ve had many learning curves thrown my way,” she continued. “I’ve been intimidated. I’ve been triumphant. I’ve been asked to be educated in every way I can be. The truth is, it’s different for every family and every individual, but I have had to try and find my own way. I’m also raising two daughters, so how we raise girls to be appropriate and empowered and to love themselves and to realize that we live in an age where the images and messages that they will see will also contradict what I have come to believe intimacy is! You feel great about yourself when you have intimacy! I also talk about and have learned when something doesn’t make you feel good or it makes you feel bad about yourself, pay as much attention to that as what makes you feel great because there’s a lesson in there.”
Barrymore is open about her relationship life but she’s not looking for something serious right now.
“I am just in a completely different place in my life and maybe in the near future I will get into a relationship … but it simply hasn’t been my priority,” she wrote. “So I’m not a person who needs sex and has to go out there and engage with people on that level. I’m a person who is committed to helping young girls and my daughters function in the world. For a long time, a relationship with a man was not something that I thought of.
She noted that “Some people can leave a marriage or relationship and find another one in the near future.” There is nothing wrong in that! Absolutely not. I don’t judge! Their journey is something I celebrate! It works for some people. It didn’t work for me. I needed to remain very celibate, honoring, and in a state of mourning for the loss my nuclear family. To find grace and acceptance of our new family norm of a blended one, I had to do this. It was not easy. I’m proud of myself that I took that time. It was what I needed to do as an individual and not as a group. I honored it and I have learned to respect myself and others for making their own choices. I have just simply come to laugh about the fact that it is not my personal priority to be with a partner, but that doesn’t mean it won’t become one someday. I need my time. My view of sex has changed.
Barrymore, who is married three times, also shared her reflections on her love life through the years.
She admitted that she wished that she had been taught by her father or other family members when she was younger the same chastity, and thoughtfulness about intimacy that she has now that they are 48 years old. “I wish my mother, my father, or my friends had taught my that there’s age-appropriateness business. That there is a way for a young woman to be classy. There are things that are both fun and that have limits. This can make it easier to build self-respect. When you are selective and you look at sex as an expression of love and not love itself … well, I’m so glad to be here now in my life. But don’t forget I’m a naughty monkey who is rebellious and weird and comedic and wacky and doesn’t judge others and really doesn’t want anyone highly involved in my choices when it comes to this vulnerable subject but because I’ve been an open book my whole life but here we are!”
Barrymore concluded her essay by stating where she stands on the topic of sex.
“So, for the record, i don’t hate sex!” She wrote. “Love and sex are not the same thing. This is what I have finally realized.” I spent my entire life searching for a calm woman, not a party girl. Also, when you grow up and are in a marriage with kids and you think you’ll only be with this one person for the rest of your life and then that doesn’t happen? It was a shock to the core. But I am lucky enough to have my cup runneth over in the love department: I have my two daughters, and for the first time ever in my life, I’m actually including self-love, too.”
She concluded that “I wish everyone could find what makes you feel good about yourself and go after it!” If they do find something that makes them feel negative about themselves, they should pay attention to it and avoid it. They also need to be careful not to allow others to bring in emotions that are detrimental to their self-respect. Then, they should find what makes them feel good and pursue that! To be passionate and protective about the fact that all of us deserve love. All of us should give love! However, love and sex can be very different things.
Talk show host and talk show host, the conversation on motherhood and relationships echo her comments during an appearance on CBS This Morning In January.
“I had never realized and said out loud that I don’t know how to date with kids,” she shared. “My kids’ dad is happily remarried with the most wonderful woman in the world, Allie [Michler]. This extraordinary stepmom is a blessing for my children. We have had different processes, and our side of the street has been so functional and full of happenings. And I think I’ve been on the sidelines — in a beautiful, honoring purgatory.
“I’ve been saying ‘It’s me,’ ‘It’s my choice,’ ‘I’m not ready,’ ‘I wanna wait,’” she continued. “I don’t think I’ve said out loud that it’s really because I have these two daughters.”
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