Gentle parenting is a method of raising children that, unlike traditional parenting methods, has decent consequences.
Instead, parents are encouraged to acknowledge their child’s feelings and enforce a rule.
“Gentle parenting is more focused on respecting children’s individuality and showing empathy, as well as connecting with them,” states Irina Gorelik (a Williamsburg Therapy Group child psychologist).
This doesn’t mean there is no discipline.
Gentle parenting seeks to be the same as traditional parenting, but it is different. A parent does not have to steer with punishment. Instead, they can steer with understanding
There are many benefits. Gentle parenting can help a child feel more confident and better manage their emotions. It can reduce power struggles between parents and children, which can lead to better relationships. It can also increase communication between parent and child.
Gorelik states, “When you think about enforcing laws, it can be useful to label and validate the underlying emotion while also setting an explicit limit or boundary.”
Gorelik offers three examples of gentle parenting in practice.
Three scripts from a therapist for gentle parenting
1. On a regular visit to the grocery store, your child begs for toys
Before you head to the grocery shop, make sure you:
“We’re going to the supermarket now, and we might find things we like and want to purchase.” We’ll be buying groceries for dinner and I can help pick one snack for school.
If your child asks for something, you won’t purchase it.
“I see that you really love this toy. It’s really cute and it makes perfect sense that you would want it. We won’t be buying any new toys right now. (pause) It is frustrating, I know. (pause).”
To give them agency, you can remind them they have the right to choose a snack.
Gentle parenting is more about respecting your children’s individuality, showing empathy, and connecting with them.
Irina Gorelik
Child Psychologist
2. Your child will not get up from their tablet to get out of the house.
Before you go out, say these words:
“I know you long to be at home, playing video games. It feels unfair that you have to go! Sometimes I just want to stay home. We have to leave.
Are you willing to take your pick of what you want to bring or would you prefer me to help you find your shoes?
If the child refuses turn off their phone and gets dressed, you can say:
“IPad time has ended. I understand that it can be hard to stop having fun. You can either have me turn it off or you can do it yourself.
If the child refuses to cooperate, the parent can shut down the iPad and say:
“It looks like it was too difficult to turn the switch off. It’s okay, I’ll take it off for you.
3. Your child is fighting with their sibling about a toy
Tell your child
“I can see that you are mad and want the toy, but I won’t let you hit.”
You can then physically split the children up and help them calm down. You can then have a discussion with the child about what they can do next time they get frustrated with a sibling or peer.
These approaches will help your child feel understood and teach them how to manage their emotions.
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