Can You Love Your Children Too Much?

Source: Bredehoft

After our first trip in Hawaii, my wife started to grow orchids. It was over thirty-five years later. Our first orchid was purchased and brought home to Minnesota. That orchid was our favorite!

Soon after we brought it home, the leaves began to turn yellow and started falling off.

It died soon afterward. What went wrong? It was so much loved by us. We had overwatered the plant. It is possible to love something too strongly and cause harm. Children are no exception. Children require nurture in order to thrive. However, too much nurture can lead to over-nurture. Over-nurturing can result in childhood overindulgence. Over-nurturing is not a good thing. It prevents children from being self-confident and successful.

Nurture includes all of the ways we provide for our soft needs, such as touch, warmth, attention and stimulation. (Clarke et al. 2014, p. 84.)

Overnurturing and overindulging is a way to do too much of a good. This is a form of care that can be too smothering. This puts the child at high risk of becoming self-centered or spoiled. [him] You can become competent. (Clarke et al. 2014, p. 84.)

Source: Bo Allen/Pexels

Overnurture

A funnel is a way to think about it. You can think of a funnel as a collection of terms that describe over nurture.

Over-nurture describes all these parenting styles. They all have one thing in common: they do too much for their children, smother them. All with good intentions and wanting the best for their child.

Overnurture: The Risks

The following was the response of subjects when asked what skills they felt were lacking because their parents did it for them as children:²

• Communication
• Skills in interpersonal and relational relationships
• Domestic and domestic skills
• Skills in mental and personal health
• Decision-making skills
• Time and money management skills
• Learn how to be responsible

Mental Health Issues and Overnurture

These mental health problems were associated with female emerging adults who had been overnurtured.^{3, 4}

Signs You Overnurture Your Child

Take a moment to reflect on how you interact and communicate with your child.⁵ If you do any of these things regularly, it is likely that you are over-nurturing the child. This can lead to problems down the road.

1. You fight your child’s battles.
2. You take care of their schoolwork.
3. You coach them.
4. Your children should be kept on a brief leash.
5. You can be a maid in the house you own.
6. They are too precious to you.

You can love your children way too much. You can love something too strongly and it can cause harm. Children thrive when they have the right nurture. Over-nurture, smothering, and overprotection can lead to childhood overindulgence. Children are less likely to be successful and confident if they are over-nurtured.

Practice Aloha. All things should be done with love, grace and gratitude

© 2023 David J. Bredehoft